Reclaiming My Power: How Documenting My Wins Transformed My Relationship with Success

As the eldest daughter of Christian Caribbean immigrants, I was raised to work hard, be responsible, and stay humble. But somewhere along the way, I lost the ability to celebrate my own wins. Success felt elusive—like a goalpost that kept moving. Only when I started documenting my professional achievements did I begin to heal this complicated relationship with success. Here’s how I reclaimed my power.

The Weight of Being the Eldest Daughter

The term “eldest daughter syndrome” has recently gained traction, encapsulating the unique pressures faced by the oldest daughter in a family. Although we’re all only 18 months apart in age, as the eldest of three, I felt an intense responsibility to set an example. From a young age, I wasn’t just a sister—I was a second mother, constantly looking out for my siblings and making sure everything was in order.

This sense of duty left little room for self-celebration. Success wasn’t acknowledged—it was an expectation. Instead of honoring my achievements, I saw them as the bare minimum. A good eldest daughter works hard—that just comes with the territory.

Navigating Gender and Cultural Challenges

Thankfully, being a woman never felt like a roadblock to my success. I was surrounded by strong women in leadership, both at home and at work. I’m keenly aware that my experience is not the norm. Many women—especially women of color—navigate constant pressures to stay hushed, stay humble, and downplay their wins.

Studies show that women don’t self-promote nearly as much as men. A Harvard Business Review study revealed that men are far more likely to tout their accomplishments, while women, conditioned to avoid being labeled as "boastful", often keep quiet. It’s no surprise, then, that many of us struggle to get the recognition and opportunities we’ve worked hard to earn.

While I didn’t let societal expectations define my success, the weight of my religious upbringing was another story.

The Influence of Christian Upbringing 

“Humility” was a tenet of the Christian subculture in which I was raised. Success was a blessing from God, and to acknowledge it felt wrong, almost sinful. The Bible verses I grew up with, like Proverbs 16:18 (“Pride comes before destruction”), made me believe that celebrating my success was self-serving.

As someone whose primary love language is words of affirmation, this created internal conflict. I craved validation but felt guilty seeking it. True humility, I thought, required me to shrink into the background and deflect attention away from myself.

It wasn’t until later in life that I realized I had it wrong. Honoring my wins wasn’t about arrogance. It was about affirming what God was doing through me. Instead of just quoting Proverbs 16:18, I now reflect on Proverbs 18:16: “A man’s gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men.” I now know that I was created in Christ for good works [Eph. 2:10], and that my skillful work will lead me to stand before royalty [Prov. 22:29]. Celebrating success is recognizing that God works through us and uses our gifts for His glory.

The Caribbean Immigrant Experience

My career in financial planning was a mystery to my parents. Like many Caribbean parents, they held traditional views of what constituted a “respectable” career—teaching, medicine, law. Financial planning? They didn’t understand the weight of my work and, without their affirmation, I began to doubt my path.

While my family was unwaveringly supportive, their lack of understanding created a sense of isolation. They weren’t there to witness the long nights and extra effort that went into each of my achievements. Without validation, I began questioning if my achievements even mattered. I started wondering: If the people closest to me didn’t understand, how important could my wins really be?

Overcoming the Expectation of Excellence

In many immigrant households, excellence is expected, not rewarded. In my house, a 98% on a school test wasn’t cause for celebration—it was met with, “Where’s the other 2%?”

This relentless expectation pushed me to achieve more, often at the expense of celebrating my progress. Graduating summa cum laude at 19 with two majors, earning my master’s degree at 20, and racking up certifications and awards was just part of the journey. But even with a stacked resume and accolades, I felt like I wasn’t doing enough. My friends and colleagues couldn't understand this sentiment. They saw the milestones, but I saw the distance left to travel.

Imposter syndrome settled in hard when I entered the corporate world. I was the youngest person in my office and the only Black employee in a predominantly white environment. Despite everything I’d achieved, I constantly questioned if I belonged. My chronic social anxiety made even simple interactions with colleagues feel like insurmountable obstacles. My self-doubt was loud, and my accomplishments felt small.

Finding My Solution - Documenting My Wins

My turning point came when two colleagues suggested I start writing down my wins. At first, it felt awkward—What if these aren’t good enough to recognize? But the more I documented, the more I realized that every win, no matter how small, deserved recognition.

When I started documenting my wins, something shifted. It wasn’t just a practice in self-acknowledgement—it was about reclaiming my power. Every accomplishment I wrote down was a reminder of what God was doing through me. Slowly but surely, I saw my self-doubt fade, replaced with an undeniable assurance that I was where I was meant to be.

It was in that moment that the little BRAG book™ was born—created to help ambitious women of faith celebrate their wins, own their success, and grow in confidence. It’s more than a journal; it’s a spiritual and professional tool. Your wins aren't just personal victories—they're divine affirmations of your purpose.

3 Practical Steps to Celebrate Your Wins

If you’re a high-achiever looking to heal your relationship with success and honor your accomplishments, these steps can help:

1. Start Tracking your Wins: Write down every achievement, no matter how “small.” You can’t embrace what you don’t acknowledge.
2. Recognize God’s Role: Your wins reflect the talents and opportunities God has given you. Honor His role in your success.
3. Leverage Your Wins: Share your successes with trusted sponsors and colleagues. You’ll be amazed at how quickly those wins open new doors.

If there’s one thing I hope you take from my journey, it’s this: Celebrating your wins is not prideful; it’s necessary. We can’t keep waiting for someone else to validate our success. Reclaim your power, track your wins, and boldly step into the purpose God has set for you. Because trust me—once you start honoring your accomplishments, the world will too.

Author Bio

Akeiva Ellis is a multi-award-winning money coach for young professionals in their 20s and 30s and the creator of the little BRAG book™, a luxurious journal designed to help high-achieving, celebration-averse Christian women document, honor, and own their professional wins so they can confidently navigate their career journey, embrace their worth, and step boldly into their divine purpose.